just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize