Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
