I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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