I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
