This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
