Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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