why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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