It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
