You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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