they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
