Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
