Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
