remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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