my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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