Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
