Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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