we're blogging at a bar
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
