i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize