you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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