If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
