i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
