My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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