And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
