Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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