I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
