I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
