It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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