What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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