You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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