hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
