So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
