I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
