after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
