I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
