the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
