That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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