she was so not down for the gang bang
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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