the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
