I wish I could punch you in the face.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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