Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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