she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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