maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
