sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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