Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
