well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
