Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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