What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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