In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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