Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
