Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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