mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
