do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
