I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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