i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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