The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
