I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
