i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
