During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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