TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
