I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize