Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
