Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
