Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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