It's just like the Real World with babies
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
