I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
